My jaw dropped — the post made me stop in my tracks

My jaw dropped — the post made me stop in my tracks.

It read:

“Perfectionism at its core isn’t about high standards. It’s about fear.”

I reread it.

It struck a chord.

I consider myself a perfectionist.

Was it really fear of failure, looking stupid, or being criticized?

Or was it high standards and drive?

I thought this was part of my “secret sauce.”

I push for excellence where others accept mediocrity.

Is this bad?

Is this actually fear?

I began researching, and it’s complex.

There are excellence-seeking perfectionists.

The group fixates on and demands excessively high standards.

Their own performance is stringently evaluated.

And they have high-performance expectations of others.

There are failure-avoiding perfectionists.

The group has obsessive concern with and aversion to failing.

They are constantly worried their work is not quite right or good enough.

And they believe that they will lose respect if they don’t achieve perfection.

In what group was I?

Truth be told, both.

In most cases, my perfectionism is self-imposed.

I’m not concerned about what others think.

It’s about what I believe.

Am I performing at the level I know I am capable?

I fall into this category with work and sports.

But in other cases, it’s more about what others think.

I fall into this category with relationships and social settings.

What will others think of me if they find out who I really am?

Will they think less of me?

Accept me?

So I project an image.

I keep walls up.

I wish I could wrap this up with a happy ending, a motivational story of how I overcame perfectionism.

But I’m not there yet.

Maybe this post is a step in the right direction.

Maybe it’s me showing I have the courage to be imperfect.